CHAPTER 14

Well, things returned to normal that Monday. By late afternoon, the quiet dormitories we abuzz with chatters of returning students. I slipped out of Nicky's room that afternoon, and by that very night, I was out of Nicky's mind.

He completely avoided me during dinner and shot out of the dining hall as soon as the meal was over. At first I thought he had something urgent to do, but after this went on for a week, I decided that I needed an explanation.

One night, I stopped by his classroom. He was talking to a bunch of boys when I arrived, and quickly came to the door when he saw me. I smiled my sweetest at him.

"What are you doing here?" his whisper was alarmingly harsh.

My smile froze. "I came to see you, to talk to you," I stammered.
"We can't talk here," he said, glancing back at the boys.

He took my arm and hurriedly steered me downstrairs to the deserted students courtyard. I was bewildered, my mind racing. Something is terribly wrong, I thought, but what? Before I could open my mouth to ask, Nicky was already talking.

He calmly informed me that he did not want to see me anymore, that he had his O-level examination to think of, and that under no circumstances that I were to bother him again. Ever. We were finished, he added, and what had transpired between us was only a one-weekend thing. And it certainly wasn't his fault if I thought that it had meant more than that.

I sat down on a bench nearby, my hands over my ears, and started shaking. This is not happening, I kept thinking. He loves me, he said so only last week!

"It was purely physical," he said, as if reading my mind. "I was curious, I wanted to find out."

I was stunned. I wanted to cry but I just couldn't. I don't remember how long I sat there, but by the time I returned to the dormitories, it was way past curfew. I slowly made my way to my room in the dark, careful not to knock into anything.

When I turned on the night light at the foot of my bed, I found Adrian lying in it. He sat up when he saw me, but his cheerful face clouded on seeing mine. I sat down next to him and began sobbing. Adrian put his arms around me and pulled me towards his chest. I cried and cried while he slowly rocked me.

In his bed, Ben stirred and rose. Adrian waved him to silence, and Ben quietly left the room.

After some time, I began to feel better. As my sobs subsided, my mouth sought Adrian's, pushing him back into the bed. I started attacking him, tearing off his T-shirt and pulling at the elastic waistband of his pyjama. "Hey, take it easy. I'm not going anywhere," he whispered, taking my hand to kiss it, before taking off his pyjama and helping me undress.

Our love-making that night was brutal. Like an animal, I devoured his body with a vengeance, concentrating only on my own pleasure, forcing him to find and follow my rhythm. A short while later, with one last beastly groan, it was all over, and I fell asleep with Adrian still beneath me.

CHAPTER 13

The year that followed I returned to school as a fourth-year student happy and contented that I had pulled off my lower certificate examination. I was still basking in joy when I noticed that Nick had begun to take a little interest in me.

It started with a casual "Hello, how are you?" when I ran into him one night at the dining hall entrance. After dinner, he came over to my table and congratulated me for having passed my exams. We then walked back together to the dormitories, talking about inconsequential, silly things. I didn't really mind, in fact I was rather euphoric. Yes! Nick was walking and talking with me!

From that night, he would wait to walk with me after dinner, and I was deliriously ecstatic. Nicky, as I began to call him, seemed to have fallen for me. Oh joy, oh rapture!

Adrian now began to fade into the background.

One long weekend, the school was almost deserted as the majority of the students went home to their families. As usual, I had to forfeit the opportunity to reunite with my own family because of the distance between home and school.

To my delight, Nicky too decided to stay back as he had a lot of catching up to do, plus some assignments that he had to finish. He suggested that I move into his room, and we spent the entire four-day weekend within a carefully worked out routine. We played badminton or went jogging in the morning, and pored over books and school work in the afternoon and evening. Late night we cuddled up in bed, whispering sweet nothings to each other.

Our first time together that weekend was a dismal affair. I was a nervous wreck, and my performance was timid and guarded. Nicky was very understanding about it all. He told me that he loved me, and that he had waited for a year for that moment to happen. "Just relax, and everything would be all right," he assured me.

He was right. The rest of the weekend was absolutely perfect. We could not seem to get enough of each other, wallowing in sinful bliss, and I avoided thinking about Monday when things would return to normal.

CHAPTER 12

Late one night, I was in the washroom doing the week's laundry -- consisting mainly of undergarments and items normally not encouraged to be sent to the school's laundry service -- when Adrian walked in with an armful of dirty socks and underpants. His face broke into a smile when he saw me.

"Oh good. I'd hate to be alone in here this late at night," he said, half laughing.

"Why, a cool dude like you ought not feel afraid..." I teased.

"Not afraid, it's just that it gets a little lonely, and when it gets like that, one starts imagining things...."

"Chicken!" I stole a look at him, to see his reaction, but he was already busy kneading his dirty load.

Later, after we finished hanging our clothes on the wash line, I said my goodnight and started to walk off towards my room.

"Gabriel, wait," Adrian called after me.

"Yeah..?"

"Could you walk me to my room? Please?"

"Why, Adrian, you are really chicken!"

Once we reached his room, I jokingly asked whether he would like me to tuck him in as well. If I wanted to, he said. Yes. I wanted to, and did.

So, our relationship started that night. I found that we were compatible, in almost every way. I liked the way our bodies moved, the way they responded to our touches, as if we were meant to be together, always.

My attraction to Adrian, however, was purely physical. I felt no emotional attachment, and found it disturbing although Adrian was quite nonchalant about it. In fact, it seemed to suit him just fine.

I thus came to a very confusing period in my life. I loved Nick, I thought about him all day, all the time. But when night came, I longed for Adrian, to feel his warm body pressing against mine, his breath hot in my ears. I was in a dilemma, and consulted Ben, who was at the time was very "involved" with Tommy, a "big and great" guy in the school's rugby team.

Ben's advice was, stick with Adrian. "From what I've heard and seen, he is some piece. You can't seem to get enough of him," he said, closing the discussion by burying his face in a book.

I stared at him, not quite believing what I had just heard. My nocturnal activities with Adrian had not gone unnoticed, it seemed. Too embarassed to argue, I too picked up a book and pretended to read, and waited for the dinner bell to ring.

CHAPTER 11

Although Nick was one year my senior, he stood at least two inches shorter and about ten pounds heavier than me. He was not handsome, not the type I would have normally fallen for. And he walked funny.

Despite these little imperfections, I found myself increasingly attracted to him, ever since I first saw him early that year.

Ben and I were in the school cafetaria one day, discussing about some mathematical equations that had boggled our minds in class earliear while being served at the food counter. I reached for a glass of iced tea, only to find out that I had grabbed the hand of the student in front of me. Ben chuckled, and I, hot with embarassment, quickly apologised.

"It's all right. The tea's yours," he said, taking another glass and carefully balancing it on his tray.

"You're Gabriel, right?" he asked. I nodded. "My name's Nick." We shook hands. "Well, nice to have met you. Enjoy your iced tea, then," he smiled and walked away.

I later learned more about him. It turned out that he was in Ben's tae-kwon-do class, working towards his black belt. Oh, I was intrigued, and dug for more information from Ben. He could not tell me much more about Nick except that he was quite shy and "unattached". Great. But then, Ben added, he was not that type.

Oh, well.

Despite that piece of discouraging news, he drew me like moon draws water. I found myself thinking about him a lot, especially during English Lit. Shakespeare woke up the romantic beast in me.

I was in love.

And then came Adrian. He was transferred to my English Lit class at the beginning of that year. He was one of those cool, easy-going guys who did not seem to have any worry in the world. I found him interesting and refreshing. His antics in class helped take my mind off Nick a little bit. Adrian was something else, he was irresistible, and I found myself fantasising what it would be like to be intimately alone with him.

I soon found out.

CHAPTER 10

Despite the discouraging experience with the Cinema Club, the following year saw me become an active member of a few other societies, namely the French Club, Arts & Craft, Literary & Debating Society and the Badminton Club. These kept me busy the whole year. The French Club was to organise its first poetry writing and reciting contest, Arts & Craft a major exhibition before the end of the third semester, in conjunction with Speech Day. Debating Society planned to have a glitzy annual Language Night in the middle of the second semester. We had to give that year's affair extra attention as several neighbouring schools -- some of which our rivals -- were invited to participate. And since students at DR Residential were familiar with at least three languages -- Bahasa Melayu, English and French -- our school principal thought it would be a good idea to incorporate all three in the show. On top of that, the Badminton Club was organising intraschool tournaments to select players for the school team. I was busy as a bee.

All the running about -- meetings, scoutings, practices, rehearsals -- gave me great opportunity to interact with a lot of students, something that I did not think I could do before. Students began to notice me, teachers thought I had great potential as a leader. My roommate Ben was happy as I had decided to finally come out of my shell. I soon found myself among the popular crowd, and got invited to the best functions and parties held at the school.

My third year was less hectic. I was relieved of some of my club activities in view of the lower certificate examination that I had to sit for at the end of that year. The exams would determine whether I could still qualify to continue my education at DR Residential, or face expulsion. The school was dead serious about producing only the best.

Despite the monumental pressure to study hard, I found myself emotionally falling in love with one student, and physically lusting after another.